Everyone keeps telling me that the first six months are the hardest and that eventually I’ll settle in and grow to love living in China. I’ve been here since February 2025, though, and I still hate it. I know “hate” is a strong word, but it’s honestly how I feel.

I’m not adapting well. I barely leave my apartment, and I only have one friend in my city. I do have Bipolar II, so I’m aware that depression is affecting how I see things. I’m on medication and see a psychologist once a month, but even trying to go out feels overwhelming most days.

It’s not that I dislike Chinese people or the country itself. The culture and lifestyle are just so different from what I’m used to, and I haven’t adjusted the way everyone said I would.

I also realized that kindergarten teaching isn’t for me. I started at a training center when I first arrived, but I left because of poor treatment. Now I’m teaching kindergarten, and I’ve discovered that I really don’t enjoy working with such young children. Unfortunately, I haven’t had much luck finding positions with older students.

What makes everything worse is that I feel stuck. Right now, I don’t have the financial means to leave or even relocate within China, and my family isn’t in a position to help. Feeling trapped has made my negative feelings even stronger.

I don’t think it’s simply about living abroad. I still want to experience life in another country. I’m just not sure why my experience in China has been so difficult. Maybe it’s because both of my jobs have been negative experiences, or maybe it’s something else. I honestly don’t know anymore.

I guess I’m looking for a reality check.

Has anyone else gone through something similar? Did things eventually get better, or did you realize the country just wasn’t the right fit for you? And if you were stuck for a while, how did you cope with working a job you disliked in a place where you didn’t feel at home?